Doo Door.

I feel as though coming to work is a relatively pleasant experience for me. Even when I have to get up early I see the sun, feel the warmth on my pasty skin, and see the playful squirrels scattering along the campus pathways. However, literally going into work, as in entering the ASTeCC building, has become a war zone. 

In Figure 1 it can be seen that the door in which I enter to go dutifully work is situated  in the heart of conflict amongst two buildings. It seems as though The Birds have taken it upon themselves to wage war upon the humans, blond in particular it seems.

Figure 1. The door leading into ASTeCC, conveniently sandwiched between two rather tall buildings.
 

A demonstration of the unnatural amount of poop accumulated in between these buildings is shown in Figures 2 and 3. As is clearly seen, this location is unsafe for many a fellow to venture upon. It is my hypothesis that The Birds not only utilize the force of gravity to create splatterage and a high velocity, but that they also exert an intense amount of pressure when releasing The Package to heighten this already speedy velocity and to maximize the splatterage.

 Figure 2. The aerial view of the steps proclaimed out of bounds for humans by The Birds.

Figure 3. The view from directly above the treacherous battle grounds of The Bird feces.

It has come to my attention that this excessive splatterage is dangerous for several different reasons. Those reasons being:

• Even if The Birds shoot a near miss it is possible to make a hit due to splatterage of large droplets upon legs, socks, and shoes. This has been documented by several credible sources (one being myself). Therefore an almost hit turns into a detrimental experience for the human.
• When splatterage occurs this gives The Package the chance to be inhaled by the humans. Histoplasmosis is a fungi released in The Bird droppings that can create an infection in the lungs causing:
• Chest pain
• Cough, possibly coughing up blood
• Fever
• Shortness of breath
• Sweating
• Headache
• Neck stiffness 
• Mouth sores 
• Skin lesions
• For more information you can visit this website.
• Even if there isn't a human around, if there is splatterage it increases the surface area available for the next passerby to walk through the trappings.

With these in mind this entrance has become an "enter at your own risk" area. One must listen for the sound of droppings and must look for the eyes of the beast luring above. Figure 4 shows the accumulation of droppings obtained by a courageous window sill attempting to shield the humans.

Figure 4. The Birds large attempt to exterminate the human race. Feces were trapped by this unfortunate window pane.

In conclusion I have developed quite the ill will toward The Birds taking roost up top of the ASTeCC building. I have not decided whether I will wave the white flag of surrender and enter though a different door or if I will stick to my guns (or buy one) and keep using the Doo Door.